Category Archives for "people pleasing"

The simplest strategy to get your needs met

This is perhaps the hardest thing for the people pleaser. To get your emotional needs met. You’re so used to supporting others, putting them first, finding the way to their bliss ahead of yours. A lot of the time you go along with it. Either turning a blind eye to how you feel or perhaps not […]

Self-sabotage: why you just can’t help it (and how to break the cycle)

You’ve been meaning to get earlier nights, but 3 box sets later and it’s 2am again. That healthier eating? Ended with the giant box of Celebrations. Or more extreme. That job you had worked so hard to get? You pull out the day before starting, thinking it’s not really you. That tooth niggle. Not worth looking at. Until […]

14 signs that you are numbing out

Something flips inside you. It’s like a switch going. The system is going down. You start to numb out. It’s difficult to think clearly. Maybe your hearing goes a bit fuzzy. You feel like you’re here, but also not. The trigger? Maybe a moment of conflict with a parent, colleague or partner. Maybe someone’s behaviour […]

The amazing truth behind overcoming perfectionism

You set yourself high standards. Perfection. The equivalent of the Olympics in your chosen field. Those perfectionism traits? Being the perfect mum, daughter, father, son, colleague. Giving the exceptional presentation. Cooking the most exquisite meal. Choosing the most compelling and thoughtful gift. Anything less would be unthinkable. That drive for perfectionism can be compelling and […]

The secret to ending underserved guilt

Guilt’s been on my mind a lot this week. How it creeps into you. Takes you by surprise. Causes constriction and doubt. Stops you in your tracks. If you grew up with emotional neglect or in a narcissistic family, you probably have a hair trigger guilt response. The slightest thing – a look, a phrase, a silence – can […]

The hidden downside of people pleasing

‘I don’t mind’. ‘You choose.’ ‘I’m easy’ ‘Whatever you feel like.’ The words come easily when you’re a people pleaser. The easy-going side to you. The part that doesn’t want to rock the boat, create upset or disappoint. It’s not a particularly nice or flattering description for what goes on when you chose to say […]

What to do when you don’t like yourself

Do you sometimes look at yourself and say, ‘I wish I wasn’t me’ or ‘I don’t like myself much?’ I’m not talking about your personal looks here, though that can come up too, but more who you are inside. There’s a niggling voice that says you aren’t all you could be; you haven’t achieved what […]

7 reasons you avoid confrontation

There they go again. Criticising this, undermining that, taking knocks out of who you are and what you try and do every day to support them. It’s so hard to take when you can see so clearly what you bring to your relationships and friendships but others don’t. It can feel like give give give, […]