Category Archives for "boundaries"

Say bye to the guilt…

I hear it all the time. ‘I can’t get over the guilt.’  ‘I can’t break free of the self-criticism.’  ‘I feel trapped in my own shame.’  People tell me they wish they could Iive free of those feelings.  So they could get on with their lives without being pulled back into the difficulty of living with guilt which is always […]

Boundaries: 8 rock solid ways to set them after narcissistic abuse

Your phone beeps. It’s another late night request for help. ‘Can you just pop round tomorrow to sort out the…?’ The doorbell rings. Your parent is at the door unannounced. ‘I found this great new top for you and while I’m here I’ve been wanting to sort out that messy cupboard of yours for a while.’ ‘Your […]

The amazing truth behind overcoming perfectionism

You set yourself high standards. Perfection. The equivalent of the Olympics in your chosen field. Those perfectionism traits? Being the perfect mum, daughter, father, son, colleague. Giving the exceptional presentation. Cooking the most exquisite meal. Choosing the most compelling and thoughtful gift. Anything less would be unthinkable. That drive for perfectionism can be compelling and […]

The hidden downside of people pleasing

‘I don’t mind’. ‘You choose.’ ‘I’m easy’ ‘Whatever you feel like.’ The words come easily when you’re a people pleaser. The easy-going side to you. The part that doesn’t want to rock the boat, create upset or disappoint. It’s not a particularly nice or flattering description for what goes on when you chose to say […]

Stay close or stay away: the impossible dilemma for children of narcissistic parents

Part of you knows this relationship hurts. The little (or not so little) put downs, the never quite meeting expectations, the feeling guilty for the ‘shoulds’ that you didn’t do. And yet the bonds feel unbreakable. The emotional cost of cutting free feels too high: rejection, isolation, shame. Perhaps a part of you feels powerless […]

Why do you never feel good enough? How narcissistic parents drain self-esteem

What is it about that persistent feeling of failure, in spite of evidence to the contrary…? That presentation didn’t quite cut it. That meal you went all out to make special, was just ok, nothing more. That gift you picked out, it missed the mark. That outfit you chose, well it just wasn’t you. Pretty […]

Why is my relationship with mum or dad so difficult?

Does this ring a bell? You love your mum or dad, but it’s also tough being their child. Somehow, what you do never seems good enough. If you disagree or stand up to them, there’s an almighty row so you end up keeping quiet or just avoiding them for a peaceful life. Or maybe, they […]

I love my mum but she drives me crazy

 You know you really love your mum. She’s the person who was and maybe still is so central in your life. She brought you up; she was there for you, she tried to do her best by you. She’s been a massive influence in your life at every turn. But you have this guilty secret. […]

When the world feels unsafe

Ever have that feeling, that whatever you do with other people, you’re bound to be let down in the end? Or do you often think it’s easier to get things done yourself, rather than be disappointed or frustrated by someone else’s endeavours? Life can feel lonely or heavy when you it’s hard to trust that […]

Managing passive aggression: how to defeat the Incredible Sulk

When Debra goes silent, a chill fills the room. Anya isn’t sure if she’s done something wrong, but she has a deep feeling of guilt and uneasiness. She’s scrabbles around, second guessing, wondering what’s up. ‘Nothing’, says Debra, I’’m fine.’ She sends out a great big sigh as she says this, leaving Anya in no […]