I hear it all the time. ‘I can’t get over the guilt.’ ‘I can’t break free of the self-criticism.’ ‘I feel trapped in my own shame.’ People tell me they wish they could Iive free of those feelings. So they could get on with their lives without being pulled back into the difficulty of living with guilt which is always […]
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The room goes quiet. Suddenly everyone is looking at me. I start to feel my face flush. My insides begin to squirm. I want to be anywhere but here. The feeling of all those people looking at me, expecting something. My mouth goes dry. I swallow. Will myself into saying something. Anything. As long as it is […]
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You may already be thinking, why does your relationship with your parents feel so out? Life might feel overwhelming, confusing and lonely as a consequence. Sometimes, it’s hard to know what you feel or how to shake off the anxiety and second guessing. If you’ve landed here, you might already have an inkling that one […]
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It happens again and again. You express a need. It’s met with denial, outrage or dismissal. You’re left bewildered. On the verge of collapse or maybe rage. You’re told you come across as controlling or domineering. It’s hard to calibrate how you ask for things, when you aren’t used to doing it. Or have low expectations of getting those needs […]
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There was a time in my life when I would never ask for help. Even now, it’s not my first instinct. I’m used to sorting out my problems by myself. Call me a self-help specialist, if you will. Ironic for a therapist, I’d say. You might say it’s independence. Or some might describe it as stubbornness. At the heart, though, I think […]
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You might fantasize about having the ideal sibling relationship. But the reality? Your relationship with a brother or sister isn’t what you want it to be. You were hoping for an ally, someone who gets what being in your family feels like. Instead you’ve got someone who picks a fight, sides with mum or dad. Or just […]
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This is perhaps the hardest thing for the people pleaser. To get your emotional needs met. You’re so used to supporting others, putting them first, finding the way to their bliss ahead of yours. A lot of the time you go along with it. Either turning a blind eye to how you feel or perhaps not […]
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Why is it so hard to stick with a decision? How is it that, even when you feel solid, you come back over your choices? Doubt yourself. Question your smartness. Or integrity. Or value in making a choice. In this short video I look at the issue of second guessing yourself and why it’s such a big […]
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Your stomach does a flip. Your face gets hot. Your body tightens. Your breath gets more shallow. You start to sweat a bit. The feeling of guilt washes over you. But why? When you stop to think a moment, what did you do? You’re sat at lunch with your family. You mum looks over at you. Says nothing. […]
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With all the talk about narcissism and narcissistic abuse, you may be wondering, does this affect me? If your parent was on the more extreme end of the spectrum, there may be little doubt in your mind, that childhood was uncomfortable, complicated, challenging. You may even describe it as abusive. But for many, their experiences were more […]
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