Category Archives for "relationships"

How to deal with a difficult sister or brother [video]

You might fantasize about having the ideal sibling relationship. But the reality? Your relationship with a brother or sister isn’t what you want it to be. You were hoping for an ally, someone who gets what being in your family feels like. Instead you’ve got someone who picks a fight, sides with mum or dad. Or just […]

The secret to ending underserved guilt

Guilt’s been on my mind a lot this week. How it creeps into you. Takes you by surprise. Causes constriction and doubt. Stops you in your tracks. If you grew up with emotional neglect or in a narcissistic family, you probably have a hair trigger guilt response. The slightest thing – a look, a phrase, a silence – can […]

The hidden downside of people pleasing

‘I don’t mind’. ‘You choose.’ ‘I’m easy’ ‘Whatever you feel like.’ The words come easily when you’re a people pleaser. The easy-going side to you. The part that doesn’t want to rock the boat, create upset or disappoint. It’s not a particularly nice or flattering description for what goes on when you chose to say […]

Stay close or stay away: the impossible dilemma for children of narcissistic parents

Part of you knows this relationship hurts. The little (or not so little) put downs, the never quite meeting expectations, the feeling guilty for the ‘shoulds’ that you didn’t do. And yet the bonds feel unbreakable. The emotional cost of cutting free feels too high: rejection, isolation, shame. Perhaps a part of you feels powerless […]

Why is my relationship with mum or dad so difficult?

Does this ring a bell? You love your mum or dad, but it’s also tough being their child. Somehow, what you do never seems good enough. If you disagree or stand up to them, there’s an almighty row so you end up keeping quiet or just avoiding them for a peaceful life. Or maybe, they […]

4 reasons why you won’t speak your mind

    You’re getting on the bus and the person behind you is talking loudly on their phone. It’s not just talk though. The language is foul, aggressive, abusive. You look round briefly. Inside there’s a conversation going on, do you say anything, do you keep quiet, do you look to others to intervene or […]

Will people still like me if I change?

You’re at a crossroads. One way brings greater freedom, inner peace, more fulfilment. But at a price. You may need to assert your needs, say no more often, disappoint others to be more of who you can be. The other way keeps things calm, steers away from conflict. But also at a price. By keeping […]

Why does my relationship keep getting stuck?

You feel like you’re banging your head against a brick wall. You’ve had this same argument countless times but nothing shifts. Things get said, by both of you. Things you only half mean but which really hurt. How do you ever get out of this place? There seems to be only two options: stick through […]

25 Ways to Survive Christmas (and family occasions)

As Christmas approaches, you may be relishing the prospect of time off and being with your family. But for many people, Christmas and family occasions can evoke dread, anxiety and depression. It’s less ho ho ho and more no no no. For some it’s the feeling of reverting to childhood roles where, whatever your age […]

Why is it so hard to say no?

You’re just in the middle of cooking dinner. The phone rings. You look down. It’s mum calling. You pick up for the chat even though it isn’t the best time. She knows this is when you usually have dinner, and yet she always seems to call just now. Something gets burnt, another thing doesn’t get […]